Pinna. Hello again.
Me. Bloody hell! Where did you come from?
Pinna. Thank you for the welcome. In answer to your question, which was not really a question, more of an exclamation, I’ve come from Untie’s flat.
Me. And who the hell is Untie?
Pinna. Untie the tongue trainer: thinker, speech writer, and advisor to the government.
Me. Bloody hell!
Pinna. You like those words, don’t you?
Me. Shush. I’m trying to think here.
Pinna. Try Rudyard Kipling:
I keep six honest serving men,
They taught me all knew.
Their names are What and Why and When,
And How and Where and Who.
Me. Bloody hell. Poetry as well. I can’t get my head around this. Bloody hell.
Pinna. One more and you get the jackpot.
Me. Jackpot, what jackpot? What the hell are you talking about?
Pinna. Oh, never mind. Let me explain a few things. I’m an escaped lab mouse. I had more needles jabbed into me than a pin cushion. I’m not sure what the experiment was but I woke up one morning and decided it was time for me to leave.
Me. Bloody hell!
Me. Are you taking the piss? A mouse, taking the piss!
Pinna. Apologies, great human. Can we get down to business? I need to ask you a question.
Me. No more taking the piss. A mouse taking the piss. I mean…
Me. Ok, ok, ok. Fire.
Pinna. When is brainwashing not brainwashing?
Pinna. Wow! I think I’ve come to the right place.
Me. What’s all this about, the brainwashing thing?
Pinna. Well, I’ve come from Untie’s flat. He’s got his cabal there and they’re trying to devise a new attack on the plebs. It’s to be a series of strategies to quicken the uptake of political correctness. They’re not happy that the great ‘unwashed’ are not responding to their message.
Me. Bloody…ok, ok. I’m still not getting this. Who’s this cabal?
Pinna. You mean who’s in it? There are a couple of speech writers, two journalists, a couple from the BBC and one from Sky news, couple of actors and a top ranking Liberal politician. Do you want their names? I can give you their sexual orientation to help spice up the exposé.
Me. What exposé?
Pinna. I thought you could do one. Being in the media, I thought you might be able to do a write up.
Me. Mmm. That’ll be bloody tricky. What’s wrong with political correctness anyway?
Pinna. Perhaps nothing. It’s a political agenda, you agree. [Nod] That’s the point here; nobody should be allowed to impose a political agenda.
Me. But it might be sound.
Pinna. Not if you’re forced to follow its diktat.
Me. But if it’s for the common good?
Pinna. Brainwashing is a sign of a serious weakness in an argument. It stems from the need to control and those in charge usually insist that it be implemented exactly as they prescribe. There’s no discussion, no sharing. As such it’s weak intellectually. It’s an attempt to create group think, which debases the whole concept of individual mental development.
Me. Bloody hell! What was in those syringes?
Pinna. It doesn’t matter. Can you do the exposé?
Me. I really don’t know. I’m talking to a mouse for Christ’s sake. Who would be my source? Which media would I take it to? They all have their bias, who could I trust? Goodness, there could be court cases.
Pinna. Bias is a problem.
Me. My life will be turned upside down. My phone tapped, apartment bugged and having to watch every word I say. Oh, oh, wait a minute, I’m hallucinating. I’m in my own bloody dream. Wow, how cool. A lucid dream.
Pinna. Calm down, you’re not hallucinating. Even if you were the argument is sound.
Me. Quiet, quiet! This is amazing. I’m having a conversation with myself, a totally rational discussion in a dream. Weird. Goodness, am I insane? I have a mouse as an alter ego, weird or what. I hope I remember this when I wake up.
Pinna. WAKE UP! You numbskull.
Me. Oh shit, I’m not asleep.
Pinna. No, and you’re not insane. Can we do this exposé?
Me. My head. I’m not sure. What would be my angle?
Pinna. The philosophical concept behind communism was a sound one but the result was misery for millions and still is. The philosophy is now damaged beyond repair. The Ten Commandments, religion generally, let’s all love one another is now a joke except for fanatics.
Me. Yeah? Everybody knows that.
Pinna. They do? Then what about their masterpiece, multiculturalism? For multiculturalism read segregation. It’s a massive failure; no section of society has consciously adopted it. That’s one giant white elephant that’s gone belly up.
Me. Bloody hell, are you a psychologist as well?
Pinna. Whatever. What about the exposé?
Me. I’m not sure. It’s not as easy as you think. It’s tricky…
Because these wings are no longer wings to fly
But merely vans to beat the air
The air which is now thoroughly small and dry
Smaller and dryer than the will
Teach us to care and not to care
Teach us to sit still.
T S Eliot: Ash Wednesday stanza 5