Politicians play this game but its secret name is Feed the Mob. There are no dice in this game. It’s formed of multiple choice questions. No knowledge is required and no thinking is involved. It consists of four areas which the politician must put in priority order.
How it works:
Bureaucrats spend their days thinking up possible solutions to any given question. Then the politician is presented with their multiple choice options.
“Oh tough”, you can hear them say. “Tough, tough, tough!”
- What’s best for the country?
- What’s best for business?
- What’s best for me?
- What’s best for the people?
You have five seconds to place them in priority order.
The answer is?……………………….
The politician sits in their office perturbed by the difficulty of the decision they must make.
The door flies open. Ta-da! Enter, Untie the tongue trainer; he is also colloquially known as the Spin Doctor.
Untie. Your wish is my command. You may rush off to play golf. Your speech will be ready on your return.
Politician. ‘Phew’, and idles off to the club.
A multiple of scribbles later and the placebo is concocted.
A TV studio – the politician is well dressed, got their make-up on and speech memorized.
We have decided as a government that in the best interests of the country that we should cut corporation tax to 15%. This will encourage more companies to settle here, bringing their vast expertise. Also, it will mean many jobs in the locality. It is a win, win for Britain.
On another matter the government will introduce VAT on newspapers, books as well as children’s clothing. This measure will keep us in line with our neighbours in Europe.
Furthermore, three pence (3p) per litre will be added to the fuel duty from midnight tonight. We are very conscious of our commitment to climate change and the need to reduce our carbon footprint. I am sure that everyone will accept this as a positive contribution in keeping with Britain’s lead in this area.
“My words fly up, my thoughts remain below:
Words without thoughts never to heaven go.”
Shakespeare: Hamlet Act 3 scene 3, 1.97
Later, as the coterie dispersed a little voice cried out from a dark corner. ‘BULLSHIT!’
A small mouse emerged, introduced himself as Pinna and explained.
Pinna. It’s bullshit because the multinational companies bullied the government with the threat to take their business elsewhere. The increase in VAT and on petrol is to cover the cost of the tax cut to big business.
The moral of the story, he continued: Business get a massive subsidy. And you? Get screwed.
We. How do you know so much?
It emerged that Pinna has a labyrinth of mouse runs all over the capital and that he has heard things that are not for public knowledge.
As we were leaving Pinna called out:
The answer to the quiz is B & C. Always has been and always will be. Until you join Robin Hood.
In case you were wondering. UK corporation tax stands at 20% and will be reduced to 18% by 2020.The rate was 28% in 2010 when Cameron became prime minister. It is already the lowest of the G7 nations and joint lowest of the G20.